I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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