Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
