Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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