so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
