So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
