There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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