Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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