I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize