Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
