If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
