shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
