She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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