I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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