I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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