He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
