Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
