Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i've created a new STD.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
