According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize