What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
