as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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