She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
