Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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