the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
