My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
