There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
