is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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