it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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