i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
