We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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