New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
