I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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