He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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