we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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