You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My bed smells like the plague
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
