i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dignity is for republicans.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
