office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
