Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
