the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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