no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
