My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
