Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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