moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
