I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
