I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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