we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
