So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
