there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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