oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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