I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
