i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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