i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
