she was so not down for the gang bang
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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