you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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