so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
