Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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