Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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