So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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