oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
