if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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