You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
