I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
