if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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