i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
