just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
