Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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